Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
