I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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