dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I love having hate sex.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
