quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
last night I used snow as a chaser
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
