Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
