if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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