I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
