i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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