"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
