you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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