nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
