first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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