I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
