the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
