Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We got so high we made milksteak
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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