Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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