Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
