So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
