there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
