Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I need moral support for this bender
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
