How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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