I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
