So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I will pee on everything he values.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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