Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
