I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
