Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
