By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
