.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
