You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
