my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
