Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
