Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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