Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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