i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
