i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
