Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Jerry, you need to find god
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
