she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
