I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
