Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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