i will never coherently bang her
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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