he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
