clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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