I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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