Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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