You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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