I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
how does that bad decision feel?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
