I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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