alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
