Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
