I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
That accounts for only three of the penises
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
there is puke in my bra ... again
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
