i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
