I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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