I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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