five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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