And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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