i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
