Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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