Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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