I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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