I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
